Man, it seems like St. Patrick’s Day is happening every year these days. Well, we might as well embrace it!
Better Than The Machine wishes you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Remember, on St. Patrick’s Day, everyone is Irish and/or uses the day as an excuse to get really, really drunk.
–Reid.
Before you delve into this cautionary tale, it’s very important that you understand that this story is absolutely true in every single way and is completely real and not made up or embellished upon even a little bit and it does not borrow even a single plot detail from any other story, especially any made-up, fictional-type kid stories, because this is an account of real life events that totally happened, which are, therefore, 100% true.
All right, with that understood…
Some years back, we went on a casual group-bonding hike in the Catskill Mountains. ‘Twas a beautiful day with nary a cloud in the sky, yet we heard several grand claps of thunder along our way. We came upon a Dutchman with a key who needed our help getting up a very small mountain. It was a simple, normal-sized key, which he really could’ve just taken up the mountain himself, but we liked the adorable Dutch way he said, “Butter Dan Duh Mush-een,” so we walked up the mountain (it was more of a hill, really) with the Dutchman and his key.
We came upon a valley, where stood a group of enormously tall, daintily clad, bearded Dutchmen rolling boulders at giant bowling pins. The sound of the boulders colliding with the pins was clearly the source of “thunder” we had been hearing. But what was it these giants were doing? Certainly, it slightly resembled ten-pin bowling, something we all knew well, having each won 12 gold medals in the sport (as opposed to helicopter racing, for which we’d only won the nine medals and the World Cup). However, the Dutchmen were only using nine pins, which led us to wonder if they were simply missing a pin. It happens all the time with games (we can never find the ships when we’re trying to play Battleship). But it turned out they weren’t missing a pin–they were playing with only nine bowling pins on purpose! How perverse!
Our eyes quickly took sight of the giants’ very large stock of booze. We waited for their absurd game to end, but we had no idea how someone could win a bowling match with with so few pins, or, for that matter, if there even was a winner. So we took it upon ourselves to drink their delicious Dutch liquor for them. Sadly, we were unable to drink nearly as many of their exotic spirits as we would have liked, as all five of us passed out rather quickly.
Alas, this is where we now find ourselves: in a state of extended hibernation. Sure, every now and then, one or two of us is rousted from our sleep to release a video or write an blog post, but most of the time, we’re all spooning in the fertile Catskill Mountains, until such time as the effects of those giant, bearded, absurd missing-a-pin bowling Dutchmen’s liquor wears off all of us.
Also, what was that key for?
–Reid.
Hello all!
For those of you that don’t know, I have since moved to LA and started my own writing project out here called Lady Bits. I’ve been collaborating with my good friend Nina Carpenter as well as Ground Beef Comedy and some amazing actors on some new videos. Please subscribe to our YouTube channel and stay tuned for more funny! In the meantime, check out our new video… Glogging!
Christina
Hello out there!
Happy 2012 from Better Than The Machine! I’ve been trying to make post updates recently, but there are apparently some glitches with the website that I need to figure out and fix. I’ll try to get them taken care of as soon as possible. I apologize for any inconveniences this may have caused. Please stay on the line, your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. Your business is important to us.
–Reid.
P.S. Someone will be with you soon, but it might not be me. On the other hand, it might be me.
P.P.S. Thank you for continuing to hold.
Oh no! How could I forget to publish this post? I won’t mention any names, but someone must’ve forgotten to remind me by ringing his bells and firing his musket wildly into the air while riding his horse past my room. Oh well, I suppose I can forgive him because Paul Revere: The Truth, produced by Green Shoe Animation and Better Than The Machine, has been featured on several websites. Here are just a few of them:
The only thing I didn’t get out of this project that I hoped we’d get were a bunch of crazy comments from those crazy Tea Party crusaders, and maybe even one from Sarah Palin herself. Oh well, maybe next year we’ll do something about the Boston Tea Party. Anyway, thanks to all the reviewers who so kindly reviewed Paul Revere! And, of course, to all the viewers who’ve viewed it! Now get out there and watch it again!
–Reid.
Hey, check out what happened like five months ago when you weren’t paying attention.
Our “Foreplay?” hit three million views on YouTube! Paul and Christina’s awkward intimate encounter has been watched more times than the total number of people that live in Iowa. Logically, this can mean only one thing: everyone in Iowa has given “Foreplay?” a shot… and loved it!
Hot to see “Foreplay?” No need to spoil the mood by going to YouTube; just turn down the lights and begin playing down below:
–Reid.
Happy Fourth of July! We’re proud to announce a brand new video just in time to celebrate Independence Day! In this animated adventure, we uncover the truth about an American legend: let’s just say that when the British were coming, Paul Revere was ready for more than an attack by land or by sea.
“Paul Revere: The Truth” was collaboratively produced by Better Than The Machine, our friends at Green Shoe Animation, and many great and patriotic friends who generously donated their expertise and time so the truth could be told!
After working on this project off and on for three years, we’re very proud to show it off, and we hope you enjoy it!
–Reid.
bttm.net is powered by WordPress, was designed by Amy L. Kirner, and is tinkered with and maintained by Reid Levin. All content © 2003-2012, Better Than The Machine.
